Before I applied to SmoochPit, a romance writer mentorship with an agented author, I sent my query letter and synopsis to a writing friend. I was pitching a new manuscript, and she was the first person to read anything about it. It’s still very near and dear to my heart. While the feedback was nothing surprising and was suggesting things I already knew I needed to change, it still stung that she didn’t think the book was “perfect.”
I freaked out. I didn’t want to apply for the mentorship program. I was worried the writing wasn’t strong enough. I totally spiraled. I wanted to give up.
But something I have been working on is persevering even when I feel defeated. In order to get my shit together and finish my application, I had to feel my feelings.
Sitting in Discomfort
When I sat with the discomfort of the feedback and felt my emotions, I realized that the feedback wasn’t as bad as I was making it out to be. The point of submitting my manuscript to SmoochPit is to get feedback, so I have ideas on how to move forward and strengthen it. Even if I don’t get the mentorship, my writing friend gave me ideas on how to improve the text.
While some of the changes required more work than I could implement in the timeframe, and I knew I wouldn’t be able to tackle those, I struggled to integrate even the smaller changes. Granted, I didn’t have to make any changes, but I agreed with quite a few of them, and I wanted to include them before submitting my application. But I just wanted to check out and read a book.
I reminded myself that I can persevere even when my heart is broken or I get feedback that’s hard for me to deal with.
Slowly, I did it. I got through it and submitted the application. I’m really glad I did. Each time I put my work out there, I become more comfortable with sharing it.
New Writer Identity
Something similar happened after a fun bookish weekend. I wanted to write a Substack about it. (This is the article.) I wrote the skeleton of the article after the event, but I was tired and hoped I’d wake up refreshed, inspired, and ready to finish it. The next morning, that wasn’t the case. I hated the article. I wanted to do nothing and forget about it.
But I remembered that I sometimes still have to write or create even when I’m not feeling super creative. I can still persevere and keep my commitments to myself. What has been true for me so far is that once I got going, the words started flowing 🤞. So, I got it done, and it wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought.
My new writer identity is persevering even when I don’t want to or when it’s hard. I’m not letting anything stop me, particularly myself.
Surrendering
The other thing that I have been working on is surrendering. For a long time, I didn’t understand what this word meant. I associated it with being defeated, like if I’m driving and I take my hands off the wheel, my feet off the pedals, close my eyes, and YOLO.
But that is not what surrendering is. It’s trusting with certainty in the face of uncertainty that I’m capable of handling whatever comes my way.
As a recovering control freak, I’ve been working on letting go of the when, how, and who of accomplishing my dreams. When I do that, things feel better. There’s a lot less pressure. It’s a lot more enjoyable. I just listen to the pings and follow my intuition.
Conclusion
This shit is easier said than done.
But being less busy helps me be more connected to myself. It’s easier to hear the pings and create what’s coming through. I’ve been enjoying creating for the sake of creating, sharing for the sake of sharing, and giving for the sake of giving.
Every day I get to practice persevering when I feel defeated and surrendering control. I’m not perfect, but it’s easier to recognize the patterns.
Book Talk
If you’re looking for a Beauty and the Beast reversal, The Sorceress of the Bone Grove is for you.
Zouria has been the protector of the Bone Grove and the Moonwood for many years. Anyone who harms it is punished severely: they are turned into a tree. But Zouria’s life changes when Glen, a charmed man with a magical ax that’s too strong for Zouria to defeat, demands that she release his imprisoned son. Knowing she can’t overpower him, they make a deal—his life for his son’s life. Even though she’s suspicious of Glen’s intentions, his good nature and friendliness slowly chip away at her heartlessness. She’s been betrayed once before by a man she thought loved her. Will it happen again?
I loved Yip, Zouria’s pet fox, and watching Glen challenge Zouria. Zouria’s use of her hair, nails, eyelashes, and blood for magic is so creepy and disgusting. It’s perfect for spooky season. Plus, the ending was so good! A. L. Doyle was on the podcast. Be sure to check it out.
Sending pumpkins a many,
Liza
Endlessly proud of you, Lies!!