Sometimes I Hate My Writing
Learning to trust my story again
I recently received feedback on my manuscript from two agents, five critique partners, and a book coach. With so many voices and ideas swirling in my head, it has been hard to decide what will improve the story without losing the heart of it.
I began revising and rewrote my first chapter (again). But I hate it, and earlier versions I loved no longer fit. Because I know something is still wrong with my first chapter, it’s been bugging me, and I haven’t enjoyed this round of revision.
To figure out what was going on, I connected with the energy of my book and listened for what it was trying to tell me.
Connecting with My Book
A book has its own energy or consciousness. The spirit of the book and I work together to bring it into the world. When I worked with Brooke Adams Law, she had a lovely meditation to connect with the energy of my book.
I begin by picturing the symbol of my book. Mine’s an eagle, because I’m obsessed with them. Once I have connected with the spirit of the book, I can communicate with it by checking whether it has anything to tell me, listening, and then asking my own questions.
What My Book Said
After conversing with my book, I learned that I have everything I need to finish the story. All the pieces are there. Now, I just need to weave the threads together and complete it.
While that is a relief, I asked for more specificity on how to proceed and learned two important things. The first is to work on the romantic subplot between my Male Main Character (MMC) and Female Main Character (FMC).
The second is to add more passion to my story. In previous drafts, I cut a lot. On the sentence/word level, I need to add more life and personality back in.
I have an idea on how to bring some of the magic back into chapter one, which I plan to implement in the next pass of my manuscript, where I go all out. I have been holding back, but I’m ready to pour everything I have into the story.
Remembering Why I Write
I was feeling a lot of pressure around finishing the book. I have never wanted anything so badly, so that adds a lot of emotion. Releasing the pressure felt so good, like popping a pimple. A lot of the blocks I had around the book were me getting in my own way.
I had to remind myself why I write. First of all, I love it. Secondly, I want to awaken more magic in the world. The world can certainly use more of it right now!
Bringing the Fun Back
The pressure and letting the other voices take up too much space sucked a lot of the fun out of my writing. “I’m the conductor of the potty train! A-goochie goochie goo!” (If you haven’t seen The Master of Disguise, you’re missing out. Although I haven’t watched it in many years, I’m not sure if it still holds up.) The main point is that I am the one in control of all the voices. I get to decide what stays and what goes. This is my story.
After I complete this revision of integrating people’s feedback, I plan to spend time alone with the manuscript to determine what I still need to do, focus more on writing what I want to write, and worry less about the reader. Ultimately, I want to write stories that I want to read.
Conclusion
Saying, “I hate my writing,” shows black-and-white thinking and a temporary feeling. I don’t truly hate my writing or my book—I love it.
Hating a chapter or a sentence can be helpful. It forces me to keep working on it or coming back to it until it’s in a place that I love. This creates a better story. It’s hard when I don’t love the words on the page, but I still hold myself accountable to keep going because I want to finish this book!
Setting the Date
I will have my manuscript finished by August 31st 2026. I have the plan mapped out on my calendar. I want my book to get into other people’s hands. At some point, I have to surrender, let it go, and see what happens.
Book Talk
The House of Two Sisters by Rachel Louise Driscoll is about Clementine, a young Victorian Egyptologist who can read hieroglyphics. At one of her father’s Egyptian relic parties, she uncovers an unusual amulet that warns against disturbing the mummy. When her father disregards the warning, Clementine believes her family is cursed. Five years later, after her family experiences tragedy after tragedy, she decides to return the amulet to Egypt, hoping to reverse the curse.
Because I dream of visiting Egypt one day, I am naturally drawn to books set there. I’m currently going through a historical fiction obsession, and I really enjoyed the historical details and the inclusion of stories about the Egyptian gods. It’s a fun read!
Sending you snow much love,
Liza